Attack Of The Emo Lesbian Goths
by Roxius
Summary: One more Code Geass crack fic for you all! Li Xingke, Lelouch and Suzaku are frightened beyond belief when something insane happens...all of the girls have become emo lesbian goths! Warning: Contains malicious violence towards an eggplant. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own the Code Geassyness that is relevant to Code Geass.

A/N: It's 'ATTACK OF THE FEMALE EMO GOTHS'!!! Aw, fuck...!!! Also, I narrate all sophisticated in this in the beginning parts, or at least I make an attempt to...

Plus, I sorta think Kallen as a goth would be kinda hot...lol :P I also deplore alot of goth stereotypes on purpose, too...except for maybe one or two things, but you'll read about that later...

By the way, I used an inside joke here concerning a bit about 'Don Quixote', which was the only thing I read for two weeks last summer when I was staying at a college for some animation program, and it actually kept me pretty entertained...it even made me laugh at some points!!! Weird, huh...? Just felt like sharing...

* * *

_At the Chinese capital..._

For a long time, Li Xingke had an inkling that there was a vast change taking place within the innocent consciousness of his dear Tianzi-sama. The long-haired swordsman had initially begun to suspect something when he saw Tianzi-sama rushing back to her room carrying a pile of clothes, all of them as black as charcoal. In the beginning, Li Xingke thought nothing of it, and figured Tianzi-sama was only trying to keep herself entertained, but when the little princess began wearing heavy, dark make-up, and spoke in a lifeless monotone voice, he started to worry. He tried to speak to the other priests regarding this ever-growing problem, but they did not heed his warnings. They were as ignorant as ever, it seemed.

'...Maybe this is all just a phase,' Li Xingke told himself one day as he was walking through the hallway, bidding hello to several maids passing by, 'I really hope that's all it is...'

However, his hopes were soon dashed because the door in front of him swung open, and Tianzi-sama herself stepped out. Her long, beautiful silky-white hair had been bleached pure black. She also wore a blackened version of her usual daytime dress. Li Xingke's mouth fell agape, every node in his brain shutting down for a split-second as he tried to register into his mind the sight that stood before him. Tianzi looked up at Li Xingke's puzzled expression, and cocked her head slightly to the side.

"...Is there a problem?" Tianzi asked, her words devoid of any emotion. It was almost as if she was mocking him.

Li Xingke was baffled. "Ah...uh...T-T-Tianzi-sama...your...your hair...your beautiful silver locks...it's ruined...you ruined your wonderful hair..."

Tianzi shrugged. "So? My hair represented all of the joy and happiness left in my life...which there is none anymore. So, I colored it black as night as it shall now represent the bleak, ever-depressing, forlorn existence that I am being forced to live..."

Li Xingke clutched his head in hands, and cried, "...WHAT?!!"

"Hey..." Tianzi's gaze fell upon the sheath clinging to Li Xingke's waist, "...Can I borrow your sword so that I may slice open my arm to bleed out my sorrows...?"

"HOLY CRAP, NO!!!"

"Please...?"

"NO!!!"

"C'mon...please...? I need to hurt myself..."

"WHY?!!"

"...Because I need to. I really, really need to...the desire to possibly endanger my own life for absolutely no good reason...it's too strong for me to ignore..."

Li Xingke gasped, and was about to respond with utter defiance, when suddenly Princess Kaguya came stepping through the same doorway Tianzi-sama walked out of only moments ago. She, too, wore the same black clothing as Tianzi-sama, but she didn't have to dye her hair, considering it was already black. She wore a spiked collar around her neck, and black finger-less gloves on her hands. If it hadn't been so insanely bat-shit frightening to see, Li Xingke would have found it pretty damn cute.

Tapping Tianzi on the shoulder, Kaguya asked, "Hey, Tianzi-chan...weren't we going to go back to your room so we can write bad poetry, bitch about how much life sucks, and have hot, depressing lesbian goth sex?"

"Oh, yeah...see ya, Li Xingke..." Tianzi took Kaguya by the hand, and the two girls walked off, leaving Li Xingke feeling both horribly disturbed and afraid for what the future would hold. He had never expected such a thing to happen as this; Tianzi-sama and Kaguya had gone emo. They had even bought tickets to the new Linkin Park concert coming up. It was all so horrifying that a stain formed on the cloth covering Li Xingke's crotch.

'Oh, dear Lord Ra...please save us all...' Li Xingke thought, praying to himself.

* * *

_At Ashford Academy..._

Lelouch Lamperouge whistled a happy tune to himself as he made his way back to his room after having just fucked poor Rivalz in the ass several times over in the student council room. Now that he had cleaned himself off, Lelouch planned to just sit in bed for the rest of the day and read 'Don Quixote'. After all, he had nothing better to do now anyway.

When he opened the door, however, Lelouch came upon something so horrifying that a stain formed on the area of his pants where his crotch was located.

C.C. and Kallen, both of them with bleached black hair and wearing tight skimpy clothes made out of leather and fish-netting, were sitting in the middle of the floor, slicing their wrists and sucking the blood from each other's wounds, as if they were trying to be vampires or some stupid shit like that. A large spider-like tatoo was evident on the nape of Kallen's neck, along with an array of face-piercings and spiked collars and shit, while C.C. looked positively withered with that sullen expression on her cute, creepily pale face.

Kallen raised her head, and finally took notice of Lelouch's presence. "Hello, Lelouch," she spoke in a monotone voice, "Would you like to enjoy our feast of the blood for a little while? We shall soon partake in hot, depressing lesbian goth sex..."

Lelouch only had a one-word answer for these bitches: "SHIT."

Turning around, Lelouch ran down the hallway, and burst into Milly's room to warn the student council president, only to find the blonde slut and her lover Shirley already engaging in some hot, depressing lesbian goth sex. "SHIT."

Lelouch dashed away once again, and slammed his fist into Nina Einstein's face as she happened to pass by. "SHIT."

Now inside the kitchen, Lelouch dug through the refrigerator, and pulled out a giant eggplant. "SHIT. THIS EGGPLANT IS SHIT. SHIT!!! IT IS SHIT, SO I MUST DEVOUR IT'S SOUL!!!" Like a madman, Lelouch dug his teeth into the eggplant, and began eating it ravenously, as if he hadn't eaten in days. Eggplant skin and eggplant juice flew everywhere as Lelouch continued to mutilate the poor plant. Pretty soon, there was nothing left, and Lelouch was full.

"SHIT."

* * *

_At the Britannian Palace..._

Suzaku Kururugi, or Suzukururururururugi as he was sometimes known, couldn't hid his giddiness as he skipped along his way to Euphemia's room so as to take her out on a date. Truly, he wasn't really looking forward to the date itself, but the fact that he was going to get Euphie so drunk and high tonight that she'll unnoticingly be willing to give up her virginity to him. That is essentially how much of a douchebag Suzaku is.

'Ho ho ho...gonna bang a bitch tonight, I reckon!!'

However, when Suzaku kicked open the bedroom door, he saw something so horrifying that a stain formed on the section of his pants where his crotch was located.

Euphemia had not only dyed her hair black and made her skin look freakishly pale, but she was now having hot, depressing lesbian goth sex with her older sister Cornelia...and they were using bondage!!

Suzaku's entire sanity cracked apart, and shattered to pieces on the cold, dirty floor at that instant. He arched backwards and until his eyes faced the ceiling, and then he collapsed. Foam spewed out from the depths of his throat soon afterwards.

Neither Euphie nor Cornie seemed to have noticed his seizure...

...and then it became obvious that this was just another one of Kaname's weird dreams.


End file.
